Turning The Elephant In The Room Into a Pet

The elephant in the room is the subject that everybody knows about but is afraid to bring up and talk about. In this case, it is cancer.

I know people who simply don't want to talk about death.

A good friend of mine was literally kicked out of a home because he insisted a  bit too much in talking about me and my cancer.

Others I've spoken with recently find my attitude towards my impending death somewhat refreshing, and support me completely in my blogging about it.

Many people, many different attitudes, but mostly today far more open than as little as 10 years ago; and certainly more than when I grew up.

So, read on if you, like me, are willing to make the elephant into a pet and treat it to real discussion and information.

We're now about 4 months into the process since I was diagnosed - and I'll be honest, things are going downhill a bit faster than I'd hoped.

In general, I'm doing OK - but I've lost a lot of weight (down below 160 lbs where my comfort weight is 195) and don't seem to be able to put any back on - just slow the loss.

Due to the pain caused when my organs are oriented lying down, I'm sleeping sitting up (have been pretty much for the past 6 months or so) - and as of last night, actually have a "hospital" bed that electrically elevates - got this for free via Craig's List and will pass it on the same way when I no longer need it.

I'm not going out much except for medical stuff - and not doing much of that. I'd hoped to do some traveling but neither Shirley nor I are really up to anything long (was looking at West coast of Mexico to keep the flight short) but as of yesterday I've given that thought up too - we (the boys, their girls, Shirley and I) were going to go for a week at the end of this month but have stopped the process.

I decided not to do chemo-therapy - although I have the "porta-cath" needed for it already installed (will have it taken out some time shortly) simply because I've not been able to do any advancing in the body weight or stamina area - it has been all down hill, albeit fairly slowly - and my biggest problem is hydration and constipation, both of which are major side effects of both chemo and the anti-nausea meds needed to counteract the chemo's other side effects.

Bottom line - I didn't think I'd get back enough extra time to balance off the bad times of the chemo, and even if the bad times were not as bad as average, they would still have been worse than what I'm suffering now, and I'm having problems with that already. I voted for quality over quantity.

I've spent much of the past month or so getting business things and finances straightened out - done a bit of billable business but mostly am handing it on to Ken Cillis and his son Mike. Got a "hardship" pre-payment on a couple of life insurance policies to provide some cash and am getting things like credit card balances settled with the help of my daughter-in-law, Krysten. This is ongoing.

Shirley has found a place for her after I pass - a new senior's supported living building here in Pitt Meadows that is supposed to be finished around September - which gives you an indication that I expect to be gone by then.

We can't sell the house (had been working toward doing exactly that until my diagnosis) until I die as there is a good sized life insurance on it that (because it is with the bank, not a real insurance company) is not transferable and disappears as soon as the mortgage does - we've been paying it for all these years, might as well take advantage of it.

Anyway - that gives you a bit of an idea of where I'm at.

Tag: cancer